Getting the request to make a vagina wedding cake came as no big shocker to me. I knew I could deliver, you see, I have had many a vagina-centric experience from performing in the Vagina Monologues to being in the room for three births. The fact that it was a wedding cake made perfect sense to me, with New York’s recent passing of the Marriage Equality bill, why not pay homage to the Yoni goddess for a sacred queer occasion. The request to have a gay man coming out of the vagina, on top of the wedding cake, that kind of threw me for a sec—but heck, we all have a little (or a lot) of gay man trapped inside of us!
It was the culminating evolution of my life thus far, with some baking thrown in!
My first stop was at the cake-decorating store. I held up various shades of pink food coloring, wondering which color would be the most realistic. There are so many variations; choosing one color was not easy. I thought to ask the sales person for his opinion but stopped myself and decided on peach and pink. A tub of frosting, some edible silver gems and the glittery pink “disco dust” were absolute musts!
Like any smart gal, I tapped my resources and enlisted the help of my girlfriend, Annie. Her previous experience as a middle school art teacher came in quite handy! I plopped down a large, naturally tan colored brick of marzipan in front of her. She whittled away with her nimble artist hands and before I knew it, she had quite a realistic shape to use for the wedding cake topper.
Madonna helped me burn the midnight oil as I baked deeper and deeper into the night. Who else could be such a beacon of pure pussy power?
Transporting this cake to the event was nerve-racking. I called a taxi to get us from my apartment to the show. My friend held the cake in her lap and I tried to carry on casual conversation as I winced at every tap of the breaks. We arrived to the Stonewall Inn, vagina cake intact.
The fantastical nuptials that spawned such a creation was a faux-queen wedding of course! (By the way, faux queens are female-to-female drag queens.) The creators of the annual Golden Girls party hosted an event to raise funds for a discriminatory tax placed on same-sex married couples. As part of the performance, there was a real, officiated wedding on stage where the brides dove into my dessert and shared their first bites as a married couple.
Many thanks to Kelsy Chauvin for her photos from the event.